Just Me

taking each day..

as it comes. I'm really trying to be aware of how I'm dealing with Dad's passing....I know I have a tendency to sit in front of the playstation for too long ( it's a great way to avoid!! ) so I'm letting myself play , but just for an hour or so . I'm doing lots of Yoga,too , which I think is keeping me balanced .( well ...as balanced as I can be!!! lol ). Mostly I'm not trying to suppress the grief ....if it wants to be let out then I let it out.
Dad's funeral was ,while extremely difficult also a great send off for him! It was a pretty unconventional affair...we decorated his coffin , my sister did the most beautiful painting on it & we added lots of embellishments & a variation of one of his favourite Irish blessings... "He made it to Heaven half an hour before the Devil knew he was dead"!! (Some people might find that irreverent , but he would have had a good laugh, and we wanted to honour the good stuff about him, not convention.) We had some of his favourite Irish music and one of our cousins did some Irish dances , & we all clapped along! It's strange how something can be so terribly sad but also so uplifting at the same time. It was a lovely farewell .
This is the decorations on the coffin...(don't you love how cats sit wherever they want no matter how inappropriate????!!!! )
I'm getting back into some scrapping...such great therapy! It can be a way to process "stuff" or just a pleasant break from it.

...he won the battle over the chair!!!

..love this photo!!
anyway...I've waffled long enough I think!!
Thanks for dropping in!

xx Mel

PS Lusi...I can't thank you enough for the love & support you've given me ( always, but especially now! ) You're a true blessing ! Love you!

Dad

xx

Peace........

I've spent a lot of time over the last few years wondering how I'd handle it when my Dad died...he's had dementia for a number of years and our family ( like most , I guess ) has many complications , dysfunctions & secrets so it's been a difficult thing to figure out.I loved him & loathed him, feared him & pitied him. It seems odd now...being there at the place I've wondered about for so long....
I'm amazed at how different an experience can be from what you expect.  Dad was admitted to hospital on Tuesday evening after he'd been found unconscious at the nursing home .We spoke with the doctor for quite a while , discussing what needed to be done & it was decided that the drip which was keeping him alive ( if you could call it that ) would be removed at 10 that night. We wanted to be there with him so we all trundled up at 10pm.
It's hard to remember what I felt at first ( apart from so terribly sad at what had happened to him. To see him so small & frail  in the bed, not even really aware of us or what was happening. I suppose that was a blessing in a way.) Once the drip was removed he drifted into a coma & we spent the next few hours with him, talking about the fun times , laughing ( Mum kept telling my brother, sister & I off for being noisy !!) & praying that he could go Home peacefully . I wondered a few times if it was "right " to be so merry while he was passing , but I know he would have been laughing along , too if he could have! (He had a great sense of humour & fun & mischief. )He would have hated us being miserable . The thing that amazed me the most was the sense of Peace that seemed to surround us . It really felt like the whole thing was choreographed so perfectly by God ....even down to the fact that it was Mum & my sister & I who were with him when he went ( my brother & dad's friend had left ten minutes before )...I'm sure it was meant to be that way.We were wondering how much longer it would take & Erin said "there's a phone...call God"  & I jokingly said to God" you've got  a pick up here ! "  and he stopped breathing at that moment. Our prayers were answered & he went so peacefully...his body just stopped & he was free...at Peace at last.
I 'm still feeling fairly peaceful about it at the moment..I know that there will be sadness to feel along with all the other stages of grief...for now I'm just so grateful that he's not suffering anymore & that his passing was really , for me, such an amazing journey...I'm glad I was there . I love you Dad.

xx
Mel